Self-Care — Call Up Your Inner Parent

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

If you’re a parent, self-care might come just a bit easier. When you are in distress, it helps to imagine yourself as the child that you once comforted.

My oldest daughter had colic as an infant, and I used to walk her and rock her on my shoulder late at night, even as she screamed from the pain in her stomach.

Parenting and nurturing came natural to me. I have to turn that consoling touch onto my self, like a hand on a shoulder or a pat on an arm.

If you haven’t been a parent, maybe you have a memory of a parent or friend consoling you at some point. Perhaps you had a childhood pet. Imagine yourself as how you loved that animal, the quiet care you took with it.

There is a saying, “the cobbler’s children have no shoes.” Individuals who are giving by nature, might be less skilled at self-nurture. They may not deem themselves worthy or they may be too engrossed in Helper Mode to pull back and imagine themselves as the object of support.

Learning self-care is like learning to hit a golf shot or fly a plane. There are many elements and multiple moving parts that you can adjust or modify to create a balanced, smooth existence: sleep, diet, movement/exercise. Just getting outside for 5 minutes in the middle of the morning can help.

Reading a book can be self-care; it slows you down and occupies your brain, even if temporarily. Journaling is another self-care “hack.” Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper, is about the cheapest form of therapy you will find. Journaling will not cure a deep-seated mental illness that does require professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist, but it is a quick and easy way to deal with temporary anxiety.

Take your time with self-care. It’s not a quick fix. It’s very nuanced (like different color clouds passing overhead), and much more complex than you realize. Self-care might be the most valuable skill you can learn as an adult.

Excerpt from The Light Within: Taking Care of Each Moment with Acceptance, Enjoyment and Enthusiasm. © Jon Obermeyer, 2020